If I ask you who the president of the United States is and you say Harry Truman… I’m leaving! If you catch the reference, give yourself five points for major zombie movie knowledge! If not, send me a message or comment and I’ll fill you in!
So, if you read What is it with zombies?! then you remember me telling you about my friend Jack helping me out with all things zombies. Well, I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of a zombie wrangler ( I thought it was a kind of jeans or something!), but my friend Jack was telling me all about them and what they do… Matter of fact he knows a few and he hooked me up with an email address and lo and behold they actually replied! I’m going to let you read what Mr. Hoggreaser had to say and after you’re done I’m going to tell you about a surprise that he is going to help me out with as well!
Warning, the following is your typical redneck zombie wrangler…
Hi ther pepoles in the introweb land. My nam is RuFus an me an my bruthers r hav a lil biznes wrangling up zombies. As a zombie wranglier we hav a lil ranch down in texas wher we kep the zombies outa harms way. Sum pepole think zombies r all bout chasin folks down an eating ther brains. This is not tru. Zombies just ned a lil guidinc. We offr a ful al in culsive resort for zombies. We also rent our zombies out to local haunted hauses durin the spookin season. Our main custmer is Zombie Manor out of Arlington Texas. Zombiemanor.com We r a contrakted by them to pik up zombies for ther special events and regular haunt season. We also offr survics at the lokal zombie walks and hor festivels . we have ben rated the best zombie wrangling crew in the DFW area the last 3 years by the beter biznes buro. SO if you gota a zombie mak sur u cal the zombie wranglers.
Okay, if you were able to make all that out then you probably learned about a whole career field involving zombies that you never knew about before! Also, my friend Jack told me that RuFus gets money for every person that goes to the link of his “main customer”… So anyways, let me tell you the big news that I’ve got here involving RuFus. He has told me that not only does he have a farm where they give guidance to zombies, but he has some that can have a reasonably intelligent conversation! Now I know what you’re thinking, I’ve watched tons of zombie movies and they don’t talk! Well, let me correct you there! Ever heard the word “BRAINS!” out of one of them? Have you ever seen Return of the Living Dead? Where the guy asks his girlfriend if he can eat her brains?! Yeah, they all aren’t that way, but some of them are! Have you ever seen the movie ZA: Zombies Anonymous? Where they can all have these conversations?! Jack told me that that is a very remote part of the U.S. and he isn’t able to disclose the exact location but that it might be somewhere in Montana… Or maybe Deleware.
So anyways, I haven’t had the chance to get to the ranch and interview the actual zombie yet, but I will get it done and you will hear it here first! Until then, stay safe and watch out for “walkers”…